The picture above is of my dad and I

As I think back to the final three months of his life, I’m perplexed by what transpired. My dad was in so much pain, but I never heard a negative word from him. I didn’t hear him complain. I didn’t hear him curse God. He blessed the Lord. It challenged me. I’ve had to examine my heart, my beliefs, and my faith. Have I wanted the Healer more than the healing? Have I wanted the Giver more than the giving? Have I wanted the Savior more than the saving? It’s devastating to think about my relationship with the Lord being more transactional than relational. My faith being more in what He can do rather than who He is.

“Be still and know “I AM.” These are the words that echo in my soul. It’s not be still and know “I CAN.” Though it’s true, the focus must always be “I AM/HE IS.” It’s important to trust in God, not in what He can do. Because, what if He doesn’t do what I’m hoping He’ll do? What if He doesn’t do what I’m asking Him to? He can, but it doesn’t mean He always will. I don’t know why that is, but I do know His ways and thoughts are not my ways and thoughts. His are higher than mine. I know it’s impossible for me to understand His ways and decisions. But if I know Him, I’ll trust Him, even if He doesn’t do what I know He can do. He is the Great I AM. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. No matter what is going on in my life, HE IS AND ALWAYS WILL BE!